everything i wanted - Billie Eilish

“everything i wanted”' is more than just a song about fame; it’s a reflection on the deep emotional costs of success, self-worth, and the importance of genuine connection, making it one of Billie’s most vulnerable and powerful tracks to date. Through imagery, metaphor, and others, Billie Eilish shares a powerful message about the pressures of fame and how, in the end, the people who love you are the ones who help you survive it. This song is not only a look into Billie’s personal struggles but also a relatable story for anyone feeling weighed down by expectations and the world’s demands.

"I had a dream / I got everything I wanted"

Billie opens with the kind of line that many of us might relate to: the dream of success. It’s that moment when you finally achieve everything you’ve worked for. We all have dreams, and Billie’s were no different. She got everything she wanted: fame, recognition, and a massive fan base. But here’s the catch, she quickly adds a twist to this classic "dream come true" scenario.

"Not what you'd think"

Here’s where Billie starts pulling us into her reality. Success doesn’t look like the shiny, picture-perfect story we often imagine. Fame isn’t just about the recognition and applause; it’s complicated. It’s that moment when you get everything you wanted but realize it’s not as fulfilling as you thought. We’ve all had those moments where we thought achieving a goal would make us happy, only to find that the excitement fades fast, and we’re left questioning whether it was worth it. So is Billie.

"And if I'm bein' honest / It might've been a nightmare"

Billie uses a metaphor here. The "it" refers to a dream symbolizing the fame, attention, and success people assume should make her happy. However, for her, it felt like drowning, not a dream. She reveals that even reaching the top didn’t heal the pain. Fame can be a double-edged sword, especially for someone as young as Billie, whose career skyrocketed overnight. In an Apple Music interview, she shared how fame's pressure and constant spotlight affected her mental health. It's relatable, as what we desire can sometimes become overwhelming.

"Thought I could fly / So I stepped off the Golden…"

This line sounds poetic, almost innocent until you realize “The Golden” is short for The Golden Gate Bridge. Yup, the same bridge known for tragic suicides. Billie actually confirmed this in interview. She had a dream where she jumped off the bridge, and when she looked up… people were just watching. Filming. No one helped. That one line “Thought I could fly”, it’s such a powerful metaphor for thinking you can escape pain. This part is a symbolism for suicidal thoughts, hidden behind a soft melody. She doesn't dramatize it but she whispers it. That’s what makes it hit even harder.

"Nobody cried / Nobody even noticed / I saw them standing right there / Kinda thought they might care"

There’s no chaos. No screaming. Just… silence. The isolation Billie feels is emphasized here with a striking juxtaposition. Even though she falls, there’s no reaction from the people around her. It’s the haunting feeling of invisibility, where even a dramatic act like falling off the Golden Gate Bridge doesn’t cause an emotional stir. It reflects how deeply disconnecting fame can be. Billie has spoken in interviews about the disconnect between public perception and personal experience.

“I had a dream / I got everything I wanted / But when I wake up, I see / You with me”

This is where the tone changes. The nightmare seems like a distant memory, and when Billie wakes up, she sees FINNEAS, her brother, beside her. This marks a significant emotional shift; while the world may be a blur of expectations, her sibling's unwavering support remains constant for Billie. FINNEAS is more than just family; he is her lifeline. Billie has stated in interviews that this song is profoundly about their relationship and how he has always been her anchor, no matter the circumstances. His presence in this moment serves as a reminder that even though the outside world can feel chaotic, she still has someone who understands and supports her.

“And you say, ‘As long as I'm here, no one can hurt you’

Billie has mentioned on the Song Exploder podcast that this part represents her brother speaking to her, comforting her, trying to help her through her self-doubt. We can see that FINNEAS’s words here are simple but profoundly reassuring. They convey a sense of protection, not just physically, but emotionally. Billie has spoken about how much she relies on him for emotional stability, especially during tough times. His words in this lyric are a promise that as long as he’s around, she won’t have to face the world’s harshness alone.

“Don't wanna lie here, but you can learn to / If I could change the way that you see yourself / You wouldn't wonder why you hear / ‘They don’t deserve you"

This is one of the most emotionally raw parts of the song. FINNEAS, in his quiet way, is trying to reassure Billie about her self-worth. The line “If I could change the way that you see yourself” speaks directly to Billie’s struggles with self-image, which she has openly discussed in interviews. She often finds herself battling negative self-talk and wondering why she hears voices telling her she’s not good enough. This line serves as both a personal reflection and a metaphor for the impact of public opinion on one’s self-esteem. The words “They don’t deserve you” are like a shield, an affirmation that Billie’s worth doesn’t depend on external validation but it comes from within.

“I tried to scream / But my head was underwater”

This haunting line perfectly captures the feeling of being overwhelmed by emotions but being unable to express them. Billie’s voice is filtered to sound like it’s underwater, and that sound effect is powerful in conveying how trapped she feels inside her own head with the imagery "underwater". It’s like she’s trying to shout for help, but no one can hear her. This is a metaphor for the isolation that comes with mental health struggles, especially when it feels like you’re drowning in them and there’s no way out.

“They called me weak / Like I'm not just somebody’s daughter”

This lyric is a response to the cruelty Billie’s received from online comments and from people who don’t understand her. There’s juxtaposition between the insult (“weak”) and the reality (“somebody’s daughter”). She contrasts the term “weak” with her identity as a daughter, implying that she is not just a label, but a person who deserves to be understood and respected. There’s pathos here where Billie appeals to the listener’s emotions by forcing us to rethink how we judge others.

“Coulda been a nightmare / But it felt like they were right there”

Billie continues to reflect on the haunting feeling of being trapped in her head. Even in her dreams, the negative voices follow her, almost as if they’re real. This is personification of the criticisms she faces where Billie gives us a glimpse into how the people who criticize her follow her around like ghosts, never leaving, always present.

“And it feels like yesterday was a year ago / But I don’t wanna let anybody know”

In the line "yesterday feels like a year ago," Billie uses hyperbole to symbolize how emotional weight makes time feel stretched and endless. This reflects the distortion of time often seen in depression and anxiety. Billie hesitates to share her feelings, possibly due to shame or a desire to protect others from her pain. Her exhaustion and burnout make reaching out even harder.

“’Cause everybody wants something from me now / And I don’t wanna let ‘em down”

This line is one of the most relatable parts of the song. “Everybody wants something from me” symbolizes the pressure that comes with fame, the constant expectation of giving, whether it’s music, attention, or time and it can feel like everyone wants something from Billie. Her inner conflict is clear: she doesn’t want to disappoint anyone, but at the same time, it’s becoming too much to handle.

“If I knew it all then, would I do it again? / Would I do it again?"

In Song Exploder, Billie explores the essence of fame, questioning: If I knew the cost to my mental state, would I choose this life again? She adds a chilling layer: If I took my own life and saw the aftermath, would I still do it? This reflects a real question faced by many with suicidal thoughts, capturing the regret often expressed by suicide attempt survivors who instantly wish they hadn't jumped. Her soft, almost whispering voice makes the question intimate, inviting dialogue with the listener.

"If they knew what they said would go straight to my head / What would they say instead?”

The song concludes with a rhetorical question, prompting reflection on the consequences of words and actions. The repetition emphasizes the weight of these thoughts. It’s a soft, poetic plea for kindness in a world that often lacks it.

🖤 Final Thoughts

This song isn’t just about Billie’s struggle. It’s about the unspoken battles so many people fight behind closed doors. It’s about how success doesn’t guarantee happiness and how sometimes, all you really need is someone who sees you when you feel invisible.

For Billie, that person is FINNEAS.

For the rest of us? Hopefully, it’s a reminder to look out for the people we love. To speak softer. To care louder.